Another hot day for Alene in Seattle. So she was surprised to find her bedroom quite comfortable — and lay down after dinner to listen to a few recent episodes of The Truth podcast.
The episode titled You’re Not Alone was preceded by a warning that it gets intense in places — and that someone suffering from schizophrenia or who has suicidal inclinations might want to give it a miss.
I felt Alene doubting herself and told her to go ahead and listen. You don’t hear voices, I reminded her — you just hear me — and we just have normal conversations — often about really mundane stuff — like what to buy at the grocery store — or which podcast to listen to. A few nights ago, I reminded her of the movie Bagdad Cafe, which we still have never watched together — and I suggested she look it up in the library catalog and request it (she’s now in fifth place on three copies.) I never tell her to harm herself or others — or that she doesn’t deserve to live — and my voice sounds normal in her head — no echoes or sound effects — and sometimes to amuse her, I exaggerate my Essex accent. We’re just like a couple that has been together for sixteen years and is still in love. It’s rather cute. Besides — she had a neuropsychological assessment and plenty of follow-up counseling that concluded she was not psychotic in any way.
As it happened, she rather enjoyed the podcast — although she never allows herself to be fully reassured. Allen thinks it’s amazing she hasn’t gone mad for real with my conversation going on inside her head. Cheeky sod. He’s also been razzing me about the England ladies losing to Japan after putting the ball into their own net. I have only myself to blame for that — if I hadn’t have told him, he’d have never known!